It was not an easy thing to do.
So here we were, face to face, talking like two reasonable men while my mind tried to chew off its own proverbial leg so that it could escape from this conversation. Actually, I think at that point my mind wanted to deny all of reality, the hell with just escaping from that conversation. But it's healthy to face you fears. I made myself stay put and talk smalltalk with him, moving to shop talk and then on to other things. The part that struck me was when my former manager said, quite out of the thin air, "Well, you should call me sometime, we'll get together. There's no hard feelings. In fact, that was the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm making more money and having a better time in my new job than I ever was here." That made me pause for a moment, because it was so completely unexpected. He can be two-faced, he can be shifty, but usually once you earn his dislike you don't get a golden nugget like that in your conversations with him. I suppose I could by cynical (Could be? HAH!) and say that he only says those things because he's now one of our vendors and he has to be nice and kiss ass to all of my company's employees. But I don't think, in this case, that was what was motivating him. I think he honestly meant what he said. If he did, I applaud him. Not just because he turned an unfortunate twist of fate into an opportunity, but because he is obviously a better man than I: I still carry a grudge about some of the things that went on when I was working for him. You'll recall the rant I did about grudges a little while ago, and he definately rated a longstanding grudge, and a healthy dose of fear on my part as well.
I'm going to cut this post short because I have to get back to work here in the apartment, and finish cleaning up, but this has given me a lot to think about. I believe I'll be coming back to this incident in a later journal. The pack gathering of Jen, Aureth and Roho is still on and will be occuring Friday evening. Beer, brats, burgers and movies. I don't know how much cooking I'm up to doing, or if I'm really even up to having all this company, but it'll be nice to have all of the Pack gathered in one place again.
Surrender yourself to tock.