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Cat-shaped hole in my heart. - Paint It Black
Living the American dream one heartbreaking piece at a time
Cat-shaped hole in my heart.
Tonight lady_curmudgeon and I had to make a painful, heart-wrenching decision to put down one of her three beloved cats. At approximately 7:20 this evening a long-haired, black-and-white kitty named Smudge (seen on the left in this picture) left us. Smudge is survived by her sisters Diva and Jazz as well as her brother ra_kitty.

Fatty Liver Disease was the culprit and ultimately it became a question of Smudge's quality of life... if we had gone for the one surgery option that was available to us, months of intensive care would have followed -- weeks of recovery in the vet hospital and then feedings through a stomach tube every two hours after that for another 2 months to try and nurse her liver back to health. Smudge would have suffered and been unhappy with a stent in her belly, a "sweater" to keep it from getting caught and a lampshade collar to keep her from pulling it out. That isn't life. With only a 60% success rate, the vet warned us that even if we did everything exactly right she could still be taken from us... Smudge deserved better than that and we knew it. It was time for us to put aside our selfishness and our grief and let her go home. When she laid her head down at the end of the shot I think my heart, which had been strained to the limit already by the simple act of making that decision, broke completely. I know that we made the right decision by helping release her from the pain she was experiencing as the condition worsened. But that knowledge is a thin blanket against the cold.

The only comfort I can find in tonight's loss is that, in the final minutes that we held Smudge, she gave us all the love she had by purring just as loudly as ever.

[edit 0820 10/28/06] Here is the link to P's entry about tonight

Current Location: home
Current Mood: sad sad

13 thoughts or Leave a thought
markvd From: markvd Date: October 28th, 2006 03:34 am (UTC) (Link)
Sometimes making the pain go away is the most important decision you can make. All our thoughts are with you two.
asetwoman From: asetwoman Date: October 28th, 2006 03:47 am (UTC) (Link)
I am very sorry. Was very much hoping Smudge would be okay.

Having been there, I know exactly what you mean about putting aside selfishness for their sakes. That's why we do what you and P did tonight - because we love them so much we're willing to take on the pain of losing them so they can stop suffering.

That you did the right thing will probably be more comforting as time goes on, but it's much too soon now to get much comfort from it just yet. Right now it's just pain, and I'm very sorry for that.
skorzy From: skorzy Date: October 28th, 2006 04:11 am (UTC) (Link)
Ohhh.. sorry, man. :/
shelbystripes From: shelbystripes Date: October 28th, 2006 04:56 am (UTC) (Link)
*hugs* Nothing I can say, just, damn.
harlee_one From: harlee_one Date: October 28th, 2006 05:11 am (UTC) (Link)
*HUGS!!!!* Poor kitty!! well now she is at peace, no pain, no suffering and in kitty heaven with all the toys to play with, treats she can eats, places she can claw. :)
yotogi From: yotogi Date: October 28th, 2006 08:05 am (UTC) (Link)
You did the right thing. That isn't always an easy thing to do... but it's well that you did.
varro From: varro Date: October 28th, 2006 08:26 am (UTC) (Link)
Poor kitty....going to be extra nice to Walter tonight...
From: schloss_adler Date: October 28th, 2006 12:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
I've had to make the same decision a few times, and I'm all too familiar with the emotions involved. I sincerely believe you made the right choice, as I have learned that in life, the most difficult decision is usually the right one.

That doesn't make it not suck though.

You and Lady C have my sincere condolences.
From: almanzo Date: October 28th, 2006 08:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
That's so sad. But what a beautiful goodbye.
ben_mouse From: ben_mouse Date: October 29th, 2006 05:54 am (UTC) (Link)
Cats do teach us about life, don't they? I hope that, if emotions and space allow, that you consider adopting another cat. There are so many that need good and loving homes. When my cat Puma died, it took me a while to adopt one, but then I decided that one of the best ways I could honor Puma's existance and impact on my life was to get another cat.

No, there would never be another Puma, nor will there ever be another Smudge. But each unique feline is to be cherished for what it is.

My thoughts are with you.
points From: points Date: October 29th, 2006 06:55 am (UTC) (Link)
*hugs tightly*
urocyon From: urocyon Date: October 29th, 2006 09:46 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm sure my sympathies need no explanation attached. Go get some comfort in Ra; you know where to find me if you need to.
nonethewiser From: nonethewiser Date: October 29th, 2006 02:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm very sorry for your loss.
13 thoughts or Leave a thought