Feren (feren) wrote,

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I can't sleep, and it figures.

As I've implied earlier, the last few weeks have found me running on close to zero energy. I've been exhausted on an almost constant basis. One could blame the holidays and a drastically changed sleep schedule, but I think that may be oversimplifying things a bit. Given how lethargic and "detached" I've been during my waking hours I made it a point to go to bed at a relatively decent hour on Sunday night. Naturally, this plan was thwarted -- I woke up from another almost-nightmare at some time around 2:30 this morning and I've been tossing and turning ever since -- two hours later and counting at this point. I think I've been in and out of bed six or seven times by now, often enough that Ra doesn't even lift his head when I sigh and climb out from under the covers to go wander around the house in an aimless type of pacing. Then I go lay back down for another twenty or twenty-five minutes, toss and turn a bit more, get up and repeat the act. Maybe I'm so frustrated at being awake that I've made it impossible for myself to go back to sleep. Sort of a "watched pot never boils" type of scenario? I dunno. I just know that precious hours of rest are slipping away from me and I'll pay for with interest when I'm at the office in four and a half hours.

Until this morning I had gone something like six months without any real manifestation of my insomnia, so I guess now is as good a time as any for it to make a return. This should make it a real treat to be at work today -- I'll be floating around in that semi-cognizant state that one only achieves on the fine line of sleep deprivation, where it seems like you're drunk but you're actually just sorta sleep-walking. Feren Predicts TM that in an effort to stay awake and aware of my surroundings at work I'll be drinking so much Mt Dew I should invest in Pepsi stock.

I feel like I should put this unscheduled time awake to some sort of good use by reading a book or doing something productive, but I can't seem to think of anything to direct my attention towards at the moment. I also hate the places my mind wanders to during times like this. Racing thoughts, old memories surfacing and it's never anything good.

There's a lo-fi heartache
Tags: insomnia

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