As I've implied earlier, the last few weeks have found me running on close to zero energy. I've been exhausted on an almost constant basis. One could blame the holidays and a drastically changed sleep schedule, but I think that may be oversimplifying things a bit. Given how lethargic and "detached" I've been during my waking hours I made it a point to go to bed at a relatively decent hour on Sunday night. Naturally, this plan was thwarted -- I woke up from another almost-nightmare at some time around 2:30 this morning and I've been tossing and turning ever since -- two hours later and counting at this point. I think I've been in and out of bed six or seven times by now, often enough that Ra doesn't even lift his head when I sigh and climb out from under the covers to go wander around the house in an aimless type of pacing. Then I go lay back down for another twenty or twenty-five minutes, toss and turn a bit more, get up and repeat the act. Maybe I'm so frustrated at being awake that I've made it impossible for myself to go back to sleep. Sort of a "watched pot never boils" type of scenario? I dunno. I just know that precious hours of rest are slipping away from me and I'll pay for with interest when I'm at the office in four and a half hours.

Until this morning I had gone something like six months without any real manifestation of my insomnia, so I guess now is as good a time as any for it to make a return. This should make it a real treat to be at work today -- I'll be floating around in that semi-cognizant state that one only achieves on the fine line of sleep deprivation, where it seems like you're drunk but you're actually just sorta sleep-walking. Feren Predicts ^TM that in an effort to stay awake and aware of my surroundings at work I'll be drinking so much Mt Dew I should invest in Pepsi stock.

I feel like I should put this unscheduled time awake to some sort of good use by reading a book or doing something productive, but I can't seem to think of anything to direct my attention towards at the moment. I also hate the places my mind wanders to during times like this. Racing thoughts, old memories surfacing and it's never anything good.

There's a lo-fi heartache

Tags: insomnia
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Rust Kings - Highway East