Feren (feren) wrote,

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CitiBank can blow me (Living the American Dream at 14.38% APR)

I just got a neat little missive in the mail today from the fine folks at CitiBank. It came in one of those envelopes where you tear off the tab on the side, grab the enclosed letter and pull it out. I wasn't sure why I'd gotten one from CitiBank (for some reason I always think of the letter that Korben Dallas (played by Bruce Willis) gets via the pneumatic tube in The Fifth Element, it was similarly enclosed). Any time I see something like this I just know I'm going to regret opening it. There's always something unpleasant inside, like new privacy terms or a change on the APR. Yet they've got you by the cajones, you know? You have to open the missive because ignorance is not an acceptable defense in court. For me, it's also hard to resist curiousity when IMPORTANT PERSONAL INFORMATION is stamped on the outside of something. So despite knowing better I caved and opened it.

Congratulations, burbled the paper in a cheerful font. If you don't think paper can burble, you've never seen this font. Because you're such a good consumer whore and have never missed a payment with us, because we're worried that you're not spending any money with us and because we're greedy bastards who want you to carry a balance so we can suck your wallet dry through finance charges, we've raised the credit limit on your Diamond Preferred Mastercard! They've raised my bloody limit again? Well hooray for that. It was bad enough I could buy a brand new car and finance it entirely on one credit card. Now, with that aforementioend card, I can buy a new car, a new snowmobile and a trailer for hauling the sled without even approaching the limit. That'll make it so much easier to add on all the extras, like a seat warmer in the car and handlebar heaters on the snowmobile.

What the hell am I supposed to do with a credit limit of $23,100? I never want to owe that much in revolving debt and that's just one of my cards! I've got ... lesse here... four other ones with limits ranging between $6,000 to over $18,000. My credit score must be phenomenal these days.

It's more than just a dream
Tags: canblowme, money, wtf

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