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Belated news is better than none at all. - Paint It Black
Living the American dream one heartbreaking piece at a time
Belated news is better than none at all.
I stayed up until far too early this morning in hopes that my parents would call with some news about my grandfather, but the effort was in vain as the phone never rang. I think I finally went to bed around 3:30 this morning (what captain18 and I lovingly refer to as "o'dark-thirty") but sleep wasn't in the cards for me -- I slept even more poorly than usual. I was up probably eight or nine times before my alarm went off. Even if I hadn't been suffering from lousy sleep and popping in and out of bed like some twisted Jack-in-the-box, the phone call from the helpdesk at 5:30 this morning would have hosed up my attempt at sleeping anyway. Luckily I had my good friend C8H10N4O2 to help me through the day.

When I went to bed I had no idea how to feel about the lack of information about the outcome of the surgery -- was there no news because the procedure was still going on? Was it indicative of an uneventful success? I certainly hoped so. My day at work kept me busy enough that I didn't have much time to reflect on the situation and subsequent silence from Minnesota though I did occasionally find myself staring at the desk phone and wishing it would ring with a call from a Minnesotan area code. Fortunately there was a voicemail waiting from my mother when I got home. She had called Z'ha'dum at 10:35 this morning to leave a brief message for me. While I would have liked more detail, any word was better than the total dearth of updates I'd been laboring under. The surgery was "excruciating" (I have no idea in what sense she was using the word as there was a total lack of context I might derive clues from) but apparently he made it through okay. In my previous entry it seems that my estimate of a week or more of recovery time was ridiculously optimistic -- according to the voicemail he'll be fitted with his pacemaker "in the next day or two."

This is one of the times when I most regret having nobody to share this household with. I'm glad that I have had Ra to hold onto these last few nights... it is with remarkable aplomb that he has tolerated my constant need to be clinging to him (let's be realistic: most cats do not go for that level of attention on an ongoing basis). Lightly speaking, the loneliness and uncertainty has been a bitch. There has been little more that I've wanted to do these last few nights than seek the arms of somebody I love. But I'm afraid that's not in the cards, so I'll just keep using Ra. Well, I'll use Ra as a substitute for as long as he'll tolerate me doing so, anyway.

i am waiting

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Current Mood: tired tired
Current Music: ennui. - I Am Sancho

4 thoughts or Leave a thought
arphalia From: arphalia Date: August 26th, 2005 11:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
I don't know if there is anything I can do, but my thoughts are with you and your grandfather. I hope he recovers soon. -_-
harlee_one From: harlee_one Date: August 27th, 2005 07:29 am (UTC) (Link)
:.( I too wish I could have been there or something for you to have someone other than your cat to hold or be held... Something at least. I worry about you all the time and especially now knowing about your grandfather and all. I am here for you if you ever feel the need to have a friend to chat with or type her ear off. trust me it feels better to get certain things out in the opening. I've held back sooo much in the past few years and finally realized I 'have' friends online that I can spill guts to and they won't frown on me. *HUGS!!!!* to you and all my good friends.. Thank you for being there when I've needed you.. P.s. You do realize I am only a phone call, email message or an Im away, right? ;)
nekosensei From: nekosensei Date: August 27th, 2005 07:50 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm glad that I have had Ra to hold onto these last few nights... it is with remarkable aplomb that he has tolerated my constant need to be clinging to him (let's be realistic: most cats do not go for that level of attention on an ongoing basis).

I've found over the years that cats can be surprisingly tolerant of stuff like that. My childhood pet, Mittens, used to know when I was upset and would try to cheer me up. It was amazing. Even now, when I'm sad and being clingy, my cats are especially tolerant of me. I think on some level, they know when their humans are grieving...

I'm happy to hear that your grandfather made it through the surgery okay. It's very hard when someone you love is sick (been there, done that), and I hope you pull through it okay. *hugs* We'll be thinking about you and hoping that your grandfather pulls through. Take care of yourself! Feel free to call / email us if you need any help!

captain18 From: captain18 Date: August 28th, 2005 08:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
I hoping for a smooth recovery, for your whole family's sake.
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