Attention! Calling all pine needle scales who have infested my shrubs -- namely, my Mugo Pines on the front step: Your doom has been prophesized by He Who Pays the Mortgage! Make your peace, little bugs, for the end draws nigh. Perhaps you noticed the unexpected rain that fell today upon that which you call your home? Did you notice the strange coloration and scent that it carried? It was a strange rain indeed, was it not? That would be because it was laced with SEVIN! Put your heads between your legs and kiss your hard-shelled white abdomens goodbye, for part one of my Evil Plan of Insect Doom was completed today when I rained down hot liquid insectiside death upon you!
Of course, the SEVIN was just the beginning, a foundation for the Evil Plan of Insect Doom. Once the frost sets this fall I will mix up a special dilution of horticultural oil and suffocate you to death as the winter comes. Count your days, little sap-suckers, and count them closely... for soon I shall asphyxiate you.
You chose the wrong ornamental shrubs to dine on, laddies, and I intend to correct your mistake.