Why the hell is it we can put a man on the moon, but we cannot teach people how to merge in any sane fashion on the highway? Why does nobody understand how to drive their giant goddamn $65,000 Lexus SUVs (that'll never see a minute on a dirt road, much less off-road.. god forbid, they might SCUFF THE TIRES)? Explain it to me.
Goddamit, somebody explain it to me. Did I sleep through a plague that made everyone with a driver's license stupid, or something? Was Tracey Walter's character "Miller" in Repo Man right when he said, "The more you drive, the less intelligent you become?"
Chivalry isn't dead -- however, common decency and driving skills are. I've nearly been run down by a Peterbuilt, cut off by a Pinto, sideswiped by a Mercedes SUV who decided that since her vehicle cost at least seven times as much as my "crappy American pickup" that she didn't need to signal, didn't need to check her mirrors or obey simple rules of physics such as "two particles cannot occupy the same space at the same time" and simply merge THROGH me. Christ on a crutch, is this what happens when your bank account starts pushing six figures? You turn into a pompus asshole? If so, then take my money now, because I'm going to stay a pauper forever.
The left lane is for passing. If you are not passing, move into the right lane. Leave a car length or two ahead of you for people to merge into, for stopping distance should you have to, and to simply be able to see the road ahead of you, should some obstacle find its way into your path. Merging is not hard. Slow down a little, leave some room ahead of you, let somebody move infront of you and all will be okay. Do not wait until the last minute to jump two lanes of traffic so you can make your exit. Do not expect people to just come to a complete stop so that you may do so. Shoulders are not alternative lanes so you can get your pompus, self-righteous, arrogant ass to the manicure shop on time. Emergency vehicles deserve your respect -- move out of the way for them, pull over and stop. When a traffic light turns yellow it does not mean "speed up so you can get through and not have to wait a WHOLE TWO MINUTES MORE for the next green." Tractor-trailer drivers (aka "semi drivers") can lose their licenses for doing it -- and if we lived in a just world, so would you. An officer with a car pulled over on the side of the road does not mean you should slow down to the point you're going twenty to thirty miles an hour BENEATH the speed limit. Tailgating is a crime. If road construction closes the lane you're in, don't run up to the very last inch before you put on your turn signal. USE your goddamn turn signal before the God of Rush Hour jams it up your ass -- he's an angry god, and you help make him that way.
Oh, one last parting thought: HANG THE FUCK UP AND DRIVE! NOTHING is so important you can't tell the person on the other end of the line "I'll call you back when I can park somewhere," so that you can devote your full attention to manuvering the 5.2 TONS of plastic, aluminum, glass, steel and ego you call an SUV around at 85 MPH since you feel so compelled to pass every other single human being on the planet. I hope your Firestones explode, cause you to roll and kiss a concrete piling, you git.