January 20th, 2006


Voice Post: Where the hell is Jenoba?

260K 1:12
“It is 6:07 on Friday the 20th; I'm on Illinois 39, at, uh... I think I just passed mile marker 111, I'm out by like Byron or Jenoba or some... place, and, it is.. snowing. This is like cats and dogs living together, Biblical frigging Plague of Snow.

Um, I am in all-wheel drive, I have not exceeded 25 miles an hour in the past 45 minutes, I've lost count of how many vehicles I've seen in the ditch, and (voice rising in urgency) You KNOW IT'S BAD when the PLOW YOU'VE BEEN FOLLOWING has gone INTO THE DITCH AS WELL and you have to go past him. THE PLOW- WAS IN- THE DITCH.

I have to repeat that one more time: I'm driving, in this weather, and I just passed one of the DOT plows IN THE DITCH. He slid in. This is NOT a good sign. If I get to Madison, somebody owes me a steak dinner.

If I don't make it to Madison... somebody please feed my cat.”

Transcribed by: yotogi

Voice Post: Top Three

598K 2:47
“(background beep) It is now 6:27 PM, and so... 20 minutes have elapsed, I am now at mile marker 122, so.. in 20 minutes, I have gone, uh, 11 miles if I'm doing my math correctly. Right now I'm more worried about my driving than my, uh... my math. But I think that puts it at 20- I, uh, 11 miles, in 20 minutes.

I'm up in Rockford now, what I said was Illinois 39, I was wrong, it's Interstate 39. So I'm up in Rockford, and I'm coming up on the Interstate 39/I-90, uh, interchange. The plows in Rockford seem to be doing a slightly better job, although half the time I can still only tell when I'm getting near the edge of the road by the vibration of the rubble strip up the, up the tires through the chassis of the Expy, which is... more than a little disconcerting.

So... I'm just taking my time, um, you know, it's- it's staying in four-wheel drive, and I'm not, uh, I don't think I've exceeded more than 45 miles an hour, even in the last twenty minutes. And so I'm just, I'm gonna take my time, and hope the snow lets off a little bit more, and, uh, then I'll be able to get some visibility.

If you asked me now, what my top three things I'd like would be, I would tell you:

#3: A snowmobile, because it's waaay more suited to this traffic than what I'm currently driving;

#2: Some fog lights, because I'm just- I got NO visibility, and, ah...

#1: I'd like to know where the road is! That would be really excellent! That would be just really really cool to know where the road is. Ah- heh! (laughing)

And, um, way at the bottom of the list, a CB radio so I could kinda chatter with some of the, the uh, truck drivers that are on the road with us right now, suffering alongside me here. It'd be, uh, good to get their take on things, see if they've heard any weather reports, and uh, just have a friendly ear to talk to.

But that's way at the bottom of the list of priorities, like I said, I'd rather be driving a snowmobile, if I wasn't driving a snowmobile I wish that the Expedition had fog lights, uh... damn the woman who bought this thing that I bought it from, who didn't pay the extra fifty bucks for fog lights, (noticeable background beeping) and uh, number one I'd really like to know where the road is! (beeping) I'd also like to know why my radar detector's beeping, 'cause there ain't a cop stupid enough to be out on the road right now!”

Transcribed by: yotogi

Oh thank god, land....

Sweet, sweet land. Or more accurately, sweet not-buried-snow apartment.

I arrived at casa de hightensile and mindslide about ten minutes ago, which puts my arrival at 8:54 PM. I left at 4:13 PM from work. That's a four-and-a-half hour drive, which normally takes me about 2 hours and change. Kit wisely pried my fists apart from their clenched state and shoved a Leinenkugel's Apple Spice into one still-trembling-with-fear-and-rage hand. Apparently he had conspired via phone with hakeber and the consensus was that in order to speak English again I'd need some sort of booze.

They weren't wrong.

I wanted to phone in at 7:55 that I was 25 miles from Madison and I'd seen two state cruisers in the ditch, but my cellphone sucks, so I didn't.

And now I'm here. I'm going to finish this beer and we're going to blow things up in Halo 2. Because if I don't inflict some video game violence, I'm going to explode.