Somehow -- don't ask me how -- I got my self-appraisal completed tonight, a full month ahead of when my actual review date is. Until this evening I didn't know that ego-masturbation and penis-waving could go on for a whopping eight pages over something as simple as a job description and a list of daily responsibilities mixed with annual accomplishments... but somehow, yes, I did it. The most troubling part about the whole thing is that while a majority of the pages use a font size of 10 I had so much "evidence" to support my wild claims of deserving a raise that I needed to scale the font back to 8 on at least two pages to make it all fit. Personally I'm of the mentality that hey, I did my job and I did these major things, so I should be entitled to a raise that at lease covers the steadily increasing cost of living. If I did a good job and stood out I should get more, but at the very least I should get cost-of-living. naturally the company believes I should justify everything -- typical bureaucracy -- and so I'm forced to spend my personal time writing immense narratives about how I make this company go, and then I have to go defend that for two to three hours in a meeting when my actual review date rolls around. Very efficient way to waste time I could be doing other things, in my opinion, but this is the corporate world; things simply do not have to make sense.
I find myself musing as I pack away my laptop. I wonder, I think to myself. I wonder just how much of my time has gone to waste on this document. This self-appraisal is for my 2002-2003 annual performance review, and I am stillwaiting on my 2001-2002 appraisal to be completed even though I turned in the paperwork over eight months ago. How can they review my work from 2002 into this year if they've never set any benchmarks from the year previous to measure me against? I don't like it when I ask myself questions to which I can find no answers. I can guess all night long but I am aware that's just an exercise in futility.
So... that's printed out, dated, signed and now sitting on my supervisor's desk. My laptop is packed up and it's 11:47 PM. I think it's high time I get out of the office. I've been awake since 5:00 AM, I was at training from 8:30 AM to 5:10 PM and 've been here at the office since just past 5:30 PM. What I desperately need right now is a shower, but given the current environment on the home front I fear that may be out of the question.
Ah well... as my father is fond of saying, I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't.
