Feren (feren) wrote,

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After a long, hard day...

... I have returned home, and am rewarding myself for the various accomplishments I have had this week. Heck, that's just an excuse. The honest truth is I just FELT like rewarding myself, and used this week's accomplishments as a convenient excuse to do so. Denial is more than a river in Egypt, my friends. So, as I was saying... rewarding myself. To this end I have taken the laptop out on the porch, connected to the wireless network (Which, I am sad to report, is utterly unable to sustain even a measely 128kbps MP3 stream, thus lowering my already low opinion of it. Fortunately for me MUCKing and AIM doesn't require much steady bandwidth. Turning off encryption MIGHT have a beneficial effect upon the speed and reliability when it comes to streaming media, but I don't think I want to take that risk quite yet) and had a cigarette. I also treated myself to one of the low-carb peanutbutter bars and one of the almond bars.

It's pretty nice out here, even if the laptop's screen is hideously bright against the darkness of the night around me. It seems a pity to stay indoors when the weather is being this cooperative, and sometimes the pseudo-isolation of being outside my living quarters is soothing. The only downside is that the air conditioner can get pretty raucous at times, but fortunately it's not running a great deal tonight because of how clement the weather has been.

In sifting through the various pictures that daf666 posted from the Bachelor Party weekend I was surprised to see that a few people had commented here and there throughout the album. One comment in particular caught me off guard and left me feeling rather surprised -- as well as flattered. I've never taken compliments well and seeing this one... well, it really gave me a warm feeling. Maybe someday I'll have that ego people seem to think I already should have.

Tomorrow's plans have been moderately solidified -- RW had to cancel my trip down to his place for the barbeque, thus eliminating one potential option. He really didn't want to cancel, especially since we can't do it next weekend (I'm out of town) but he's spending his Saturday with his wife on a trek deep into the wilds of Indiana so he can deal with the incompetent lawyer who is attempting (and has been, for the last three years) to settle his father's estate. The last I'd heard the IRS had completely rejected the paperwork this fellow had filed on RW's behalf because he'd used all the wrong forms. When somebody is billing you for $60 an hour that's not the most encouraging thing in the world to hear, and I know RW is quickly reaching his boiling point on this matter. So, since there will be no grilling and geeking for me tomorrow I think I'll take in a movie and work on getting my room back into something resembling order.

Oh, good, the cicadas (if that's what they are) have finally quieted down. It's amazing how much more still the night feels now that they're not buzzing. It's a pity that it's gotten to be slightly overcast this evening, otherwise I'd be able to look out over the trees and see the stars, and that would be really nice right around now.

I guess this is as good an evening as any for me to be feeling this introspective. I'm looking back on the events of this year thus far and trying to make sense of them all. It's a lot of data for me to sift through, and so far the results have been inconclusive at best. I guess it's just been one of those times where you have to make tough decisions and grow up a little more, for better or worse. At least I think I'm following the right path these days, for example I'm on much better terms with my family than I have been in almost seven years. My father seems pretty proud of me and is doing a lot to provide encouragement. Amazingly enough, a few weeks ago when I was hanging up the phone with him I heard him say "Love you!" instead of "Goodbye." That's a hell of a first for the man, and it didn't go unnoticed or unappreciated by me. He seems to be rather surprised by it as well, because after I came back from visiting the homestead over the Fourth of July he wrote me a quick e-mail telling me how nice it was to have me "home" and how he'd started misting up on Sunday when I said goodbye for the trip back to Illinois. That's not the old me I guess, he wrote in the last part of the letter. I guess old age must be creeping up on me.

God, I hope I can grow up to be even a quarter of the man he is.

I'm breaking the habit tonight

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