Feren (feren) wrote,

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I started my day at 5:45 by waking up before my alarm. I got dressed, ate breakfast and drove in to the office. Arriving at around 6:45 I was able to get a very good parking spot and went up to the 7th floor where my desk resides. I spent the next 15 minutes getting ready for the hot-cut two of our T1s, and then spent an hour on the phone with Cable & Wireless while they did the transition and configured the new cross-connects (all hail the power of the DACS). Then I spent another 45 minutes or so troubleshooting our BGP session, which seemed to be flapping and causing significant packet loss on data going to or coming from the Internet. Eventually I found the problem (an oversight on my part) and fixed it (I learned a valuable lesson -- when updating BGP peers it is critical that you make sure the static routes to the peers are still accurate). The buzz I got from successfully troubleshooting and correcting that problem with no outside help was the high point of my day. Things gradually went downhill from there, and I spent most of the rest of the day at work in a mood that may not have qualified as "foul" but certainly wasn't the best it could be.

I spent a significant amount of time yelling at HP for their lack of timely response to my inquiries. I want to give them $32,794 for support services that must be renewed by the 19th of this month, but they wouldn't answer my questions or provide me with the necessary paperwork. This made me wonder if they wanted my business. Finally things got sorted out, and with paperwork in hand I started my own personal hell of building a spreadsheet to break out the contract's cost by IT department team (most of it belongs to the Systems group, although part of the cost definately belongs to my team, Networks). Management wants me to tie every license to a cost, every license to a server and every cost to one team or the other. It should go without saying that the spreadsheet is getting sort of large and unruly, and the formulas I'm using are... scary beyond all reason now.

After receiving an e-mail that a special sale was running I bought some networking gear for the apartment. I bought a pair of 802.11b PCMCIA cards for $17 a piece, and a different brand of 11b card for $19. I also purchased an Access Point for $29. When I got done being charged for shipping the whole shebang ran me about $88, but I can't complain. Yes, it's true, I hate wireless ethernet for the most part. For residential service, though, I'm willing to make a few exceptions. There is a certain appeal to being able to sit out on our patio with the laptop and not have to worry about dragging ethernet cables with me, and I guess that's why I bought today's batch of gear. Hopefully this little bundle I put together will be able to help me realize that goal in a fashion that doesn't make me ill to my stomach the way wireless usually does.

During my lunch break I spoke with the representatives over at Discover and they converted my Discover Classic card to a Discover Platinum. Two upgrades on two cards in two days.... I guess I'm doing something right if I can have a run of luck with my credit like this. Maybe I've finally atoned for those late payments back in 1999.

The afternoon hours were slow, painfully slow. I didn't get a lot of work done while I was at my desk because for some reason I couldn't concentrate. I spent most of my time thinking about the career I seem to have landed in (through nothing more than what my mother terms "Dumb luck") and my plans for the future. Some of the aforementioned plans are turning up as false leads or pipe dreams and I'm left feeling... well, diminished. I feel like by losing those dreams, those little hopes... I feel lessened in some way, and more than a little lost right now. I'm not sure what to do about this at the moment. Since I don't have any way to foretell what my future will bring me I can only assume that I should put my head down and stay the course.

It seems logical enough, but I'm left feeling like something is missing.

On my way home I stopped at Fruitful Yield and picked up some of what I have affectionately termed "Atkins Groceries." I got a bottle of low-carb katsup, a couple boxes of shakes (vanilla and chocolate), banana nut bread muffin mix, a box of apple Morning Start bars, 8 candy bars (more of the mocha crunch and coconut chocolate kind) and some of the low-carb bagels they've begun stocking. I'm looking forward to toasting one of the bagels tomorrow and putting some butter on it. If it's good I'll be sure to buy more -- the bagels themselves are huge, and each half is only 1g of carbs. If they're not good with butter I'll try smearing some creme cheese on an untoasted half. If they're still not terribly edible I'll just finish off the bag (only four bagels in there) and call it a lesson learned. I'm trying to remain optimistic, though. After all, the low-carb bread is pretty good when it's toasted.

I got home, unloaded my shopping bags and then had some dinner. Around 5:45 or so I decided to clean the bathroom, something that I thought really needed to be done since the bathtub had turned a rather unhappy shade of grey. I broke out the cleaning supplies I bought a week or two ago from Bed, Bath & Beyond and attacked the bath tub, the wall tiles and the grout. Once that was clean I turned my attention to the counter and from there I moved on to the floor. The room is far from perfect, but it is much more acceptable to me now. Kestral said she felt bad that I was cleaning the bathroom, but I didn't mind. For one thing, the chore was distracting and took my mind away from the less pleasant things I had been preoccupied with. Secondly, the bathroom is possibly the most heavily used room in our entire apartment and we all contribute to the mess that gets created in there. If I can lend a hand around the household by doing something as trivial as cleaning some grout and washing down a mirror then I think that's an effort I'm willing and able to make. After all, it's not as if they alone made the mess and then expected me to clean it up,

Later in the evening, I think it was around 7:10 or so, I went went across the street to the Continental restaurant with roho and enveri. I sipped decaff coffee while they ate, using up two full pots of the brew. I think this is somewhat my father's fault, his coffee habit probably rubbed off on me to some extent while I was visiting with him in Minnesota. While Kes and Roho ate I didn't talk much, but there were little bursts of conversation none the less. The topic wandered a little from place to place, and towards the end of our time there I expressed to the pair of them why I am feeling so down this evening. They seemed to understand and offered me a shoulder if I should happen to need one. I declined because, as I say in my revised profile, I'm "just mean" sometimes and with that meanness comes a stubborn unwillingness to show too much weakness in public. Never the less it is good to know that the offer is there if I should feel inclined to take it up. Roho an Kestral are very good to me for whatever reason. After the experience I had with the last set of roommates I sometimes wonder if I adequately express to these two just how valuable they are to me as housemates and as friends. I somehow doubt I do a sufficiently good job, and should work to remedy that situation.

We came back after dinner and I sat down with Ra by my side to watch a movie. I chose Philadelphia because of my melancholy mood. The movie ends on a bittersweet note and it seemed apropos for some reason.

About three quarters of the way through I paused the film, stepped into the bathroom and trimmed my beard. I shortened it a lot, and I think I look better for it. I wonder if anybody at work will notice tomorrow. They certainly aren't the most observant people.

And now it's off to bed for me.

Why do we lose our self control

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