Feren (feren) wrote,

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This is something intriguing that popped into my head a week or two ago after reading my Friends' Friends page on LiveJournal (for those of you who don't know this is a feature that lets paid users read the entries made by the friends of people on their Friends list). I never really wrote about it because I didn't know what to make of it at the time, but I did share it with roho over drinks as we were watching TV one night.

"You know what I'm happy for, Tallears?" I asked between sips from my water bottle. "Sometimes I'm happy that the friends of my friends are not my friends."

It took a few seconds for him to process, and hell -- it took a few seconds for me to process, and I was the one who not only said it but had this perfectly random observation formulate in his head. You could say I'm still processing it now, because here I am writing about it some week-or-so later.

I guess why I find this remark of mine so interesting is because it is just like I said in the title... this was a revelation for me. Some parties might express surprise to learn that this isn't something I'm saying out of spite or malice, it's just a general observation about life and relationships and how everything connects together. Case in point: I'm very good friends with Roho and enveri as well (I should hope so, I live with them!). I trust these two more than I can express. I trust them enough that they have the keys and combination to my storage locker up in Lake in the Hills, they have the keys and the combination to my fireproof safe and the PIN to my ATM card. They are probably the two greatest assets I have to my name right now, and there's nothing I wouldn't do for them. They don't make me cross, they're intelligent, they're insightful, they're witty and have tastes very similar to my own. I will go out on a limb here to say that the feeling is reciprocated and that they trust me just as much as I trust them. What I'm trying to say here is that they are very good friends who I trust with every detail of my life.

But lord, I'm glad some of the people they know aren't my friends.

You see, Roho and Kes are far more social individuals than I am. Yes, I'm well aware that this is no mean feat, I will readily admit that the most introverted misanthrope probably has a larger social life than I do. But we're digressing from the point, I want to get back to my example! Roho and Kestral.... their circle of friends online extends a great deal further than mine does and in some cases their circle of friends out in the real world also extends further than mine. I certainly don't begrudge them this because it's what keeps them happy. But some of the friends they keep, even if only as "passing acquaintances," these people task me no end. Some have viewpoints that I disagree with, some have habits that I find more irritating than fingernails across a chalkboard. Granted, many of these habits are affectations that people wear for one reason or another, much in the manner I carry certain affectations. Yet still I find myself twitching and growing gradually more irritable when I'm exposed to these people for extended periods of time. This is not to say that these people are bad folks by any means -- in fact it's usually quite the contrary, many of them are very kind and sweet individuals otherwise I don't think Roho and Kestral would be friends with them (Yes, this leaves the question of "Why are they friends with you, then?" I think that's a question better explored in another entry). Despite the many positive and redeeming qualities some of these individuals have I just am not compatible with them personality-wise and thus they rub me the wrong way. It's nothing personal on their part or mine, it's just life.

This is not to say that I dislike all of their friends -- I've actually made a few friends because they knew Roho or Kes in some way, and the individual and I happened to hit it off. "Crispy" Dan is a fine example of a situation like this, as is Roho's relative Lori. So no, I don't think that Roho or Kes should stop being friends with any of these folks. I feel very much to the contrary and I like to think that I encourage friendships to be built and maintained. If it's with somebody I don't get along with I just make it clear that I don't want anything to do with them. By setting a clear boundary at the beginning with some of these cases I prevent a situation from occurring where I'll wind up in front of a jury of my peers explaining why I hit the plaintiff in the back of the head with a ripe cantelope until they lapsed into unconsciousness.

So yeah.... sometimes I'm glad that the friends of my friends are not necessarily my friends.

What's the matter with the clothes I'm wearing?

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