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Revelation... - Paint It Black
Living the American dream one heartbreaking piece at a time
feren
feren
Revelation...
This is something intriguing that popped into my head a week or two ago after reading my Friends' Friends page on LiveJournal (for those of you who don't know this is a feature that lets paid users read the entries made by the friends of people on their Friends list). I never really wrote about it because I didn't know what to make of it at the time, but I did share it with roho over drinks as we were watching TV one night.

"You know what I'm happy for, Tallears?" I asked between sips from my water bottle. "Sometimes I'm happy that the friends of my friends are not my friends."

It took a few seconds for him to process, and hell -- it took a few seconds for me to process, and I was the one who not only said it but had this perfectly random observation formulate in his head. You could say I'm still processing it now, because here I am writing about it some week-or-so later.

I guess why I find this remark of mine so interesting is because it is just like I said in the title... this was a revelation for me. Some parties might express surprise to learn that this isn't something I'm saying out of spite or malice, it's just a general observation about life and relationships and how everything connects together. Case in point: I'm very good friends with Roho and enveri as well (I should hope so, I live with them!). I trust these two more than I can express. I trust them enough that they have the keys and combination to my storage locker up in Lake in the Hills, they have the keys and the combination to my fireproof safe and the PIN to my ATM card. They are probably the two greatest assets I have to my name right now, and there's nothing I wouldn't do for them. They don't make me cross, they're intelligent, they're insightful, they're witty and have tastes very similar to my own. I will go out on a limb here to say that the feeling is reciprocated and that they trust me just as much as I trust them. What I'm trying to say here is that they are very good friends who I trust with every detail of my life.

But lord, I'm glad some of the people they know aren't my friends.

You see, Roho and Kes are far more social individuals than I am. Yes, I'm well aware that this is no mean feat, I will readily admit that the most introverted misanthrope probably has a larger social life than I do. But we're digressing from the point, I want to get back to my example! Roho and Kestral.... their circle of friends online extends a great deal further than mine does and in some cases their circle of friends out in the real world also extends further than mine. I certainly don't begrudge them this because it's what keeps them happy. But some of the friends they keep, even if only as "passing acquaintances," these people task me no end. Some have viewpoints that I disagree with, some have habits that I find more irritating than fingernails across a chalkboard. Granted, many of these habits are affectations that people wear for one reason or another, much in the manner I carry certain affectations. Yet still I find myself twitching and growing gradually more irritable when I'm exposed to these people for extended periods of time. This is not to say that these people are bad folks by any means -- in fact it's usually quite the contrary, many of them are very kind and sweet individuals otherwise I don't think Roho and Kestral would be friends with them (Yes, this leaves the question of "Why are they friends with you, then?" I think that's a question better explored in another entry). Despite the many positive and redeeming qualities some of these individuals have I just am not compatible with them personality-wise and thus they rub me the wrong way. It's nothing personal on their part or mine, it's just life.

This is not to say that I dislike all of their friends -- I've actually made a few friends because they knew Roho or Kes in some way, and the individual and I happened to hit it off. "Crispy" Dan is a fine example of a situation like this, as is Roho's relative Lori. So no, I don't think that Roho or Kes should stop being friends with any of these folks. I feel very much to the contrary and I like to think that I encourage friendships to be built and maintained. If it's with somebody I don't get along with I just make it clear that I don't want anything to do with them. By setting a clear boundary at the beginning with some of these cases I prevent a situation from occurring where I'll wind up in front of a jury of my peers explaining why I hit the plaintiff in the back of the head with a ripe cantelope until they lapsed into unconsciousness.

So yeah.... sometimes I'm glad that the friends of my friends are not necessarily my friends.

What's the matter with the clothes I'm wearing?

Current Mood: thoughtful thoughtful
Current Music: Ozzy Osbourne -- Bark at the Moon

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Comments
enveri From: enveri Date: June 28th, 2003 12:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
Well, it goes both ways. There are some of your friends that I think would drive me absolutely batty. ;) Of course, some of MY aquaintances do the same, so.. I just try to limit my exposure to them. =)

And I believe I've told you this before, but.. you are the brother I never had. I love you dearly, and there's not much I wouldn't do for you. (Squish a bug with a bare foot, I wouldn't do for Roho. Icky!) *snug* :)

-K
feren From: feren Date: June 28th, 2003 12:50 pm (UTC) (Link)
[Well, it goes both ways.]

Well, yeah. I never meant to imply otherwise. :)
stryck From: stryck Date: June 28th, 2003 01:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
On a completely random note.. I find the little 'tags' you use at the end of your entries interesting. Are any of them related to anything or just what pops into your head as you finish typing?
feren From: feren Date: June 28th, 2003 05:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
[I find the little 'tags' you use at the end of your entries interesting. Are any of them related to anything or just what pops into your head as you finish typing?]

They're lyrics. I usually pick something that I feel is appropriate for the entry or moment and tag it to the end (as you've noticed). My musical tastes are pretty ecclectic, and I enjoy the challenge of finding a compatible lyric that isn't part of a refrain, thus making it more difficult to recognize.

The worst part of it all is that the lyrics I choose are usually from a song completely different than the one I'm listening to at the moment, sometimes jarringly so (80s music when you're listening to country!).
stryck From: stryck Date: June 28th, 2003 10:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
That explains why some of them have seemed familiar. Nice to know. :)
tuftears From: tuftears Date: June 28th, 2003 02:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
Agreed, not insisting that every one of your friends be friends with all the rest is a good thing.
feren From: feren Date: June 28th, 2003 05:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yeah. This whole attitude I've seen in some cliques of "Let's all get along and be buddy-buddy!" is just completely foreign to me. We all need differing groups of friends in order to remain emotionally healthy. The diversity is what's important, afterall.
(Deleted comment)
enveri From: enveri Date: June 29th, 2003 06:48 am (UTC) (Link)
Yes.. It's really sad when your friends cut you out of their lives because you cared enough about them to be honest with them.

Even sadder when they decide that since they no longer want you around, that the people they are close to aren't allowed to be friends with the former friends, or even speak for themselves anymore.

It's downright pathetic when they have nothing better to do with their lives than rewrite history to make themselves look innocent... then bait their former friends with passive agressive bullshit. Personally, if they want to be friends, fine. Be friends. Friends don't make snarky comments looking for attention and reactions.

Move on. The rest of us have.
hightensile From: hightensile Date: June 29th, 2003 08:50 am (UTC) (Link)

I recommend you use an un-ripened fruit.

It will be faster and you won't have to use as many.

That being said, I have no advice or perspective on the above debate and this is a Constant Irritation on me. I just don't get it. I am clueless. And it bites me square in my bubbly ass.

Someday, I hope to understand why people like/dislike each other or, at the very least, find a way to remember it all with an adorable multi-colored flow chart o.0

I'm going to go be confused now
--kit
feren From: feren Date: June 29th, 2003 08:51 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: I recommend you use an un-ripened fruit.

But.... I like ripe cantelope.
feren From: feren Date: June 29th, 2003 08:54 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: I recommend you use an un-ripened fruit.

[Someday, I hope to understand why people like/dislike each other]

Because we're people, man. For better or worse it's all part of being an individual. Since we're all dissimilar we sometimes encounter dissimilarities that just rub us the wrong way, resulting in "dislike" or "neutrality" as opposed to "like." Think of it as oil and water, if you must.

I actually think that's a good thing, because it highlights the human condition.

feren From: feren Date: June 29th, 2003 08:56 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: I recommend you use an un-ripened fruit.

Additionally: The phrase "adorable multi-colored flow chart" terrifies me beyond the capacity for reason. Please never utter it again.
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