Feren (feren) wrote,

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One thing I forgot...

... there's one other thing of note today, and I didn't put it in there with today's events. besides the recovery of the savings bonds and the reclaiming of floor space I also ran into RB online (the same RB I wrote about before, yes). The conversation was stilted and brief, and I didn't really know what to make of the whole thing. She told me a bit about the new kitten she and her boyfriend had acquired, and then inquired after Ra. Abruptly she changed the topic, asking me once more for my address because she had a birthday gift from last year she wanted to send me. I'm not really comfortable with the idea of receiving a gift from a person I haven't seen in two years and still have some pretty strong feelings for, but I wasn't really in a place to deny her. So I mailed her my new address, and we talked for a minute or two longer. Finally the stress built up on me to the point where I had to dive offline, wishing her a pleasant evening before I left.

If it weren't so damned frustrating and hurtful it would almost be funny. It used to be that I couldn't stop talking to her. Now I can barely think of anything to say, because I feel awkward and nervous. I don't think she really understands why I'm acting the way I am, and I'm probably hurting her and making her wonder why she bothers to try to talk to me at all. I'm trying everything in my power to fall off the face of her earth because I think it's just going to be the best for the both of us if that's what I do.

I also have some observations about memories and relationships that I'd like to write up in light of some of the things I found while sorting box contents for the trip up to the storage unit... but I think I'll save that for another night. Introspection is not what I need to indulge in right now. Instead I'm going to go with my roommates over to the Continental and indulge in a steak dinner.

Those who came before me lived through their vocations

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