Feren (feren) wrote,

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I don't need this...

It's 2:18 AM, and I've just spent the last fifteen minutes listening to Ra unload everything his stomach contains, no matter how small. He has defiled no less than seven different spots in my bedroom, including the blankets on the foot of my bed. He's been so sick that in one spot he vomited nothing but water that he'd drank, leaving a miniature obstacle course for me to navigate when I got up to use the bathroom and to try and draw some water to mix with the peppermint soap. It's a good thing I didn't get very far in mixing up the soap and the water because I found we have no paper towels in the household at the moment.

It's 2:18 AM, and I'm seriously considering trying to find a 24-hour Jewel-Osco so that I can buy paper towels to clean up multiple pools of cat vomit. The thought that's screaming through my head over and over is This is not my life.

Of course, this is just something I inherited from my father. The bitchy thoughts about the situation are just ones that run on the surface, hiding the emotional part of me that runs much deeper and is worried sick at this point. This is something like the sixth day in a row over the last ten that Ra's been sick in some form. I had hoped this was a temporary flare of the IBD or pancreatitis (or both, since he's got multiple illnesses), but it's starting to look like this is neither temporary nor a flare-up. I don't know what I can do about it, so I'm going to have to get ahold of the vet tomorrow and renew the prescription for his medication as well as beg for some advice. I just pray they don't need to see him because I can't get the time off from work right now, nor can I really afford to have more unexpected bills show up. I've already done enough damage to myself after my splurge on Sunday at Wherehouse Music, and what little remains of my budget for the month is howling in pain at the thought of a $400 vet bill in addition to everything else I've spent so far in the last week.

Maybe what upsets me the most is that I knew better. I have nobody else to blame but myself for this situation... I got stupid and spent money that I shouldn't have. I knew better.... there's an established history here that every time I see a light at the end of the financial tunnel I end up having to spend all my money on some unexpected expense like vet bills or car repairs, thus sinking myself firmly back into debt for another three months at the minimum. It's very discouraging to be so close to financial freedom only to have it yanked away time and time again. But as I said... I knew the moment I got close to being free and clear of my debt something else would happen, and I chose to ignore that knowledge. Now I'm paying for it in spades.

I guess for the next two days I'm going to have to move Ra's food and water into the bathroom and sequester him in there, although I feel bad about doing it. I don't really have a choice though, as near as I can tell. At least when he vomits on linoleum I can clean it up with a lot more ease and not worry about the carpet getting stained.

I'm very worried about my cat.

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