Feren (feren) wrote,

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I should be writing in this thing...

... like it says above, I should be writing. I had set a goal for myself to write in this journal on a daily basis or if time wouldn't permit I had planned to jot down the day's events and thoughts at least more than three times in a week. All these lofty goals, and here I am with almost five days straight with no entries! I didn't make any entries while I was on the road, even though I had the technology in hand thanks to my SideKick and the help of various folks in the community. Saturday evening I felt way too worn out and ill from the over stimulation of the day's events to make an entry, and even if I hadn't I'm not sure my wrists would have tolerated the abuse of typing out a two page entry with my thumbs. My Sunday was spent relaxing and travelling back to Illinois, and as good as I am at using my SideKick I don't think I can type and drive all that efficiently at the same time.

Maybe what bothers me the most is the thought that it wouldn't really matter I wasn't writing -- except this past weekend had lots of things that deserve to be written about. I suspect it would also be good for me to write about the trip to St. Louis for a number of reasons. For one thing, it would make sure the experience was chronicled and safely tucked away before the minor details started to get fuzzy in my memory. Another benefit of writing about the weekend is that I would have a chance to sort out some of the thoughts I've been having in its wake about society, culture clash, my own upbringing and the choices I've made in my life. For reasons unknown to me this weekend left me with a lot of introspective thoughts and I could stand a chance to sift through my emotions and reactions. Maybe once that was done I could finally get a handle on myself again.

At the very least I should write a bit of a commentary on the weather we've been experiencing (more precisely the lack of it), the upcoming tax season or any number of other mindless things.

But here I sit tonight and I'm not really in the mood to write a lengthy entry. The more I think about it -- the harder I try to string words together to form sentences and then paragraphs -- the deeper this funk gets. It's really annoying me how the part of my brain responsible for writing these journal entries has been hiding itself. What in blazes is going on here? Has my brain started getting attacks of performance anxiety now? Well, regardless of the reason behind it the end result is the same: I find myself locked up in front of my keyboard, and I realize that I was staring vacantly at my empty LJ client and drooling slightly. It's a rather unflattering pose and I've trying to avoid putting myself in it as much as possible.

It really puts me off that my brain is rebelling so much and leaving me this far removed from the mood I like to be in when I write entries. Stupid head meat, be more journalistic!

Bah, in two or three years I'm going to look back at this and I'll want to kick myself, I just know it.

She's got legs

. o O o .

Insult to injury: My stupid LJ client couldn't connect to the server to upload my post. Fortunately I didn't lose all my work, so I was able to copy and paste it into the web page for updating my journal. Now I cross my fingers that THIS will work....

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