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How to feel like a helpless idiot, for free! - Paint It Black
Living the American dream one heartbreaking piece at a time
feren
feren
How to feel like a helpless idiot, for free!
When leaving roho and enveri's place yesterday I managed to give my ankle a pretty sound beating, the result of which seems to be a mild sprain. It was remarkably easy... I was walking along their front sidewalk, which leads from the porch to the driveway. I absentmindedly stepped off the edge of the sidewalk with my left foot, thinking there was solid ground where I was putting my foot down at. Unfortunately for me there wasn't any solid ground there -- just a big hole that grass had grown up in. So, down came my foot with the very inner edge of my boot sole on the sidewalk's lip and the rest (unbeknownst to me) hanging off into space. The rest of my weight came down, my foot snapped down and into the hole and **WRENCH-O**. Why hello, searing pain! It's been a while since you and I talked!

Of course lady_curmudgeon, Roho and Genet were pretty concerned. I am told that at the time it looked like I was going to go completely ass-over-teakettle, but somehow I pulled off a miraculous recovery. It took me a minute or two of balancing on my right foot before I was able to stand again. I gave assurances that it was just a light twist and that I'd be able to walk it off in no time. Clearly I underestimated things. By the time we got home last night the entire left ankle was aching and when I took my boot off I could feel how swollen and sore everything was. In retrospect I am stupid-lucky that I was wearing my much-beloved Stanley boots, because they are workbooks with lace-up tops that are very good at supporting your ankle. I think that had I been wearing regular tennis shoes I would have fractured the ankle instead of just giving it a really good spraining. Joy.

So anyway, this morning I got out of bed... put some weight on my left foot... and nearly demonstrated my impression of a tumbling clown of some sort. A naked one, who without his glasses is blind as a bat. A naked, blind, cursing-like-a-sailor tumbling clown. I downed some aspirin and told Curmudgeon that we needed to go get an ankle brace from the local Walgreens, because there was no way I was going out and doing anything today with just my boot's uppers to support me. Luckily the Walgreens was having a 50% off sale on Ace bandages, so I got a one-size-fits-all ankle brace for $5.49 instead of the $12 and change they wanted for it normally. I strapped that on and, when augmenting it with my boot, was almost able to hobble around at a pretty decent clip. With the brace and boot on I have the full range of motion my ankle is supposed to have, I just can't put weight on it at certain angles without feeling a very sharp pain through the base of my joint.

I'm here to tell you folks: There is no single better way to make yourself feel like a complete failure as a human being. When you sprain your ankle you end up walking like you've got something seriously wrong with your foot, but you've got not splint, no cast, no cane or crutch. People look at you funny because you end up doing this weird sorta hop-shuffle-drag thing for no discernable reason, and occasionally you hiss in a bit of breath if you end up twinging something just the wrong way. And all because you didn't look where you were putting your foot... I mean, how much more demeaning can it get? You got hurt while you were walking... something even a three year old can master! Durr. Still, as humiliating as that is I still got a better deal than tarinfirepelt, who ended up getting scorched by some hot asphault. That's way, way worse. And since I had spent part of the afternoon lighting denatured alcohol on fire with Roho in a vain attempt to make his pressurized kerosene lamps go, I definately got off light with a sprained ankle.

You haven't seen the worst of it yet

Tags: ,
Current Location: Lady_Curmudgeon's
Current Mood: sore sore
Current Music: You Got Me Rocking -- The Rolling Stones

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Comments
haikujaguar From: haikujaguar Date: September 3rd, 2006 11:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ice. :)

Ice.


Also? Ice!
feren From: feren Date: September 4th, 2006 12:03 am (UTC) (Link)
Also Naproxen, which will curtail my drinking activities for the next 72 hours or so.

Curses!
haikujaguar From: haikujaguar Date: September 4th, 2006 12:21 am (UTC) (Link)
Right. No bleeding of the stomach for panfers!
feren From: feren Date: September 4th, 2006 05:30 am (UTC) (Link)
I also have this utterly irrational desire to keep my liver functional.
yotogi From: yotogi Date: September 5th, 2006 01:35 am (UTC) (Link)
Which totally fails to explain the gin.
asetwoman From: asetwoman Date: September 3rd, 2006 11:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
A naked, blind, cursing-like-a-sailor tumbling clown.

I must be going to the wrong circuses.


Also, I wish you a speedy recovery!
feren From: feren Date: September 4th, 2006 12:01 am (UTC) (Link)
[I must be going to the wrong circuses.]

No, I think the lack of naked, blind, cursing tumblers is indication that you're going to all the right circuses. Things have gone horribly wrong if that's what the center ring is offering for entertainment.
lady_curmudgeon From: lady_curmudgeon Date: September 4th, 2006 12:12 am (UTC) (Link)
A naked, blind, cursing-like-a-sailor tumbling clown.

Gee, I guess my quip last night could also apply to you...
"My body isn't a wonderland. It's a freak show."

nekosensei From: nekosensei Date: September 4th, 2006 01:12 am (UTC) (Link)
Yeah...I was going to tell you to ice it, but it looks like someone already beat me to it.

By the way, have you ever thought of hobbling around with one crutch to support you? The one time I sprained my ankle really bad (actually, I rolled it stepping off the curb leading to my parking lot...and I landed on my ass too...) I discovered that using one crutch as a support for a day or two helped. It kept some weight off my ankle so it didn't hurt as much.
lady_curmudgeon From: lady_curmudgeon Date: September 4th, 2006 01:31 am (UTC) (Link)

fashion tips...

Definitely sounds like a good idea. I think he should get one of those stylish folding canes with a lovely paisley or floral print on it. They also have leopard print ones! It could be an early sweetest day present!
nekosensei From: nekosensei Date: September 4th, 2006 02:25 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: fashion tips...

It's a cute idea...but I think he would probably be better off with crutches than with a cane. They're taller and you can lean against them. Trust me! I had to use crutches for six weeks once because I tore all kinds of shit in my knee...
tarinfirepelt From: tarinfirepelt Date: September 4th, 2006 05:24 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: fashion tips...

Tarin starts to grin as he gets all sorts of ideas with this. Flowery Feren Accessories. ;)P
feren From: feren Date: September 4th, 2006 05:27 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: fashion tips...

Just remember, roho is the blind fennec who is supposed to be using a cane.
tarinfirepelt From: tarinfirepelt Date: September 6th, 2006 02:47 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: fashion tips...

feren From: feren Date: September 6th, 2006 03:45 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: fashion tips...

You're evil, Tarin.

Evil, evil, evil. It's a riot. Thank you!
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